kittylands | mom, am i still young?

fandom: hawkworld
relationship, characters: katar hol & naomi carter
rating: pg-13
warnings: none
word count:1,005
summary: Katar meets his mother broken and tired (and the days that follow).
links: cfaa, superlove

Katar meets his mother broken and tired. He's not aware of most of it, halfway passed out in Carter's arms, but he does hear the sound of his mother's gasp. He wishes he could've reached out, comforted her, but his body is far beyond moving. He wonders if they ever could have met under different circumstances.

He wakes up in an unfamiliar bed. When Katar tries to get up, he instantly falls back down from the pain. Every part of his body stings and aches, his bones sore, his vision swimming. He must make some kind of noise, because he hears someone rushing towards his room. Briefly, he thinks it's Shayera. But when the voice cries "Katar" instead of "peacock", he knows that it's not.

Katar wills his vision to focus on the figure in front of him. She has wrinkled brown skin and braided grey hair. He knows that he's never seen her before, but something about the woman feels familiar. He's unsure of why until she speaks.

"Katar, I'm your mother. Naomi Carter. Carter Hall brought you here last night. Your injuries are pretty severe, but I'll take care of you," her voice is soft and gentle, just how he always imagined it would be. She cradles his face and his heart weeps. He's not quite sure why. Later, Naomi will feed him and tend to his wounds, but Katar is content to bask in her hold for now.

Katar spends the next days or so in bed. It's hard to keep track of time with how much he fades in and out of sleep. Some of it restful, but most is not. He dreams of lots of things, hawks and fires and Thanagar, but he mostly dreams of Shayera. Each one is different.

He dreams of her visting the hospital, of being assigned to Earth with her, of their first kiss. As he sleeps, he hears her laugh and the way she used to berate him. They're pleasant pictures in the moment, but when he wakes, the memories sting with grief. Yet he holds onto them as tight as he can. He fears what will happen if he ever forgets.

After one of his meals, Naomi holds his hand and tells Katar her story. He listens intently, learns of how she met Paran and their elopement. It makes him happy to hear about how in love they were. But when she speaks of Thanagar and how she was forced to leave him behind, his heart shatters. He wants to thrash and scream, but before he knows it, sleep overtakes him. Katar wishes they never had to part.

When Katar next opens his eyes, Naomi is sitting on the edge of his bed. He wonders if she ever left his side.

"It's about time we got you cleaned up, don't you think?" she asks with a smile on her face. He nods. Although Naomi has given him plenty of water, he's still too afraid to speak. Katar worries what he'll hear. But he does agree: he's filthy.

It takes them some considerable strain and effort to get Katar up and to the bathroom, but once he's lowered into the tub, he immediately relaxes. It's been so long since he was able to take a warm bath. The heat of the water caresses him like a lover. He closes his eyes, content to just sit like this.

Naomi lets him, for a little bit. They both know it's a needed comfort. But soon, she clamors over and starts to lather his hair with shampoo. As she works the product in, Katar can't help but think of Shayera. She must have never gotten anything like this. He didn't either, not until now, but at least he gets the opportunity. It makes his stomach churn to think about how much they were robbed of.

The rest of his bath is spent in a daze. Katar tries to focus on the sensations he feels, but as the water slowly cools, the only thing he can really focus on is his pain. Naomi most notice. She presses a kiss to his hair before helping him get out.

For the first time, Katar dreams of Shayera's death. He watches Viper strike her down and swoops in to catch her. No. No no no. As he holds her close, he can feel the life slowly draining from her body. Her blood seeps onto his hands. Katar feels sick. How could he let this happen? The world feels like it's crumbling down around him.

Katar wakes up screaming. He grips the sheets, desperate for a partner's touch that he'll never feel again. It finally hits Katar that she's really gone, he won't ever be able to touch her ever again. He can't help but scream harder.

Almost immediatly, Naomi is rushing into his room, sitting by his side. She pulls him close, Katar's head onto her chest. As sobs wrack his body, she runs fingers through his hair and down his back. It soothes him enough to allow him to speak.

"I miss her, mother," Katar croaks. It's the first time he's called her that. He clings onto Naomi like a newborn, suddenly feeling small and fragile.

The next day, just as his mother did, Katar holds Naomi's hand and tells his story. It's a long one, from his childhood in Thanagar all the way to the fight that left him here. He feels the depest regret when he tells her of Paran. Although he's tried to move forward, the pain in Naomi's expression hurts Katar just as his father's did.

Despite this, he continues talking, trying not to leave out any details. Naomi smiles when he brings up Shayera and Katar realizes he's smiling too. He wishes she was here. It's not hard to imagine all the jabs and jokes she'd make if she were.

By the time he's done, Katar finds himself enveloped in Naomi's arms. Some broken pieces of himself are finally beginning to settle back into place.